Caption: Hollywood, California.
Image: Claymation characters Gumby and Pokey, both old, sitting on a bench in front of a marquee that says “Pomona Walk of Fame.”
Gumby: A star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It isn’t fair. He should have one. And furthermore, I should have one.
Pokey: (Thinks) Here we go again.
Image: An old version of Davey and his dog, from the claymation series “Davey and Goliath,” walking by, seeing Gumby and Pokey on their bench.
Davey: Isn’t that ol’ Gumby over there? Shouldn’t we go over and say “hi?”
Goliath: I don’t know, Davey. Let’s keep walking. Maybe he didn’t see us.
Image: Gumby talking.
Gumby: There should be more Pomona College alumni with stars. Nothing for my creator, Art Clokey. And nothing for ME.
Image: Gumby and Pokey walking in front of the Formosa Café.
Gumby: You know who has stars? Walt and Mickey. Chuck and Bugs. Henson and Kermit. Think it’s not easy being green? Try it with no star and get back to me!
Pokey: Sounds rough. But how is it that you claim to be a Pomona graduate?
Image: Gumby visualizing himself as a baby in a basket being born from the head of Art Clokey.
Gumby: I was conceived between Clokey’s ears. I was gestating in his noggin the whole time he studied there.
Gumby: Like Athena was born in the head of Zeus, so did I step out of the head of Clokey.
Pokey: (Thinks) Sheesh. Sorry I asked.
Image: Open panel showing names, faces and grad years of Sagehens Joel McCrea ’28, Robert Taylor ’33, Robert Shaw ’38 and Richard Chamberlain ’56.
Pokey: Gums, do you know who from Pomona has a star?
Image: People walking over a prostrate Bob Hope.
Pokey: And who wants a star anyway? To achieve fame only to get walked on by strangers for eternity?
Image: Gumby and Pokey walking in front of Carter’s Restaurant, Bakery and Delicatessen.
Pokey: And do you know what it takes to get a star? First you have to get
approved by the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce.
Image: Pokey and Gumby’s feet as they walk on the sidewalk among pigeons.
Pokey: Then you have to come up with about $30 grand for the fee. Have
you got $30,000?
Image: Pokey watching Gumby turn out his empty pockets.
Image: Gumby talking.
Gumby: I’m a little light at the moment.
Image: Pokey covering his eyes and stomping one foot.
Pokey: Gummo, we’ve had this conversation a million times over. There are 3 reasons why you don’t have a star on the Walk of Fame.
Image: Faces of some of the Pomona alums behind the scenes: Roy Disney ’51, Frank Wells ’53, Aditya Sood ’97, Robert Townes ’56, and Lynda Obst ’72.
Pokey: Number one: In the main, Pomona grads are eggheads, not the performers who get all the stars. Pomona produces the content creators. They write. They produce. They direct.
Image: Gumby holding up one finger.
Gumby: Bwah-Hah! But I’m a performer!
Pokey: I’m not finished.
Pokey: Number Two. New Year’s Eve. 1972. You got slobber drunk at Felix the Cat’s party.
Image: Flashback of Gumby at a party holding a martini glass and saying: “Johnny Grant?!! I say Johnny Who?!!” to Felix the Cat while Johnny Grant, standing behind him, looks startled.
Caption at bottom: Johnny Grant, longtime honorary Mayor of Hollywood and host of Walk of Fame events.
Image: Gumby leaning against a pole and holding his forehead.
Gumby: Okay. My bad. People sure have long memories.
Image: Feet of Gumby and Minnie Mouse, who has lost her shoes, embracing next to the edge of a hotel bed. Hotel keys lie on the floor.
Pokey: Third and most significantly. One name. Minnie.
Image: Gumby holding up his hands in silence.
Image: Gumby holding his fists against his face as if embracing someone.
Gumby: It was a moment! We were in the moment!
Image: Pokey consoling Pokey with a hoof on his shoulder in front of El Coyote.
Pokey: Mick’s words were “I own this town and while I do Gumby doesn’t
get anything on the Walk of Fame but his bare, clay feet!!!”
Image: Gumby surrounded by floating hearts.
Gumby: (Thinks) Minnie. What might have been?
Image: Pokey pointing to two figures who have children’s letter blocks for heads. One is smoking a pipe.
Pokey: Before anyone gets it in their head to sue for copyright infringement: This is parody. And we are represented by the legal firm of Blockhead and Blockhead, LLP.